Being a comic I drive a lot, I’m like a trucker hauling jokes. Recently I missed an exit in Chicago and ended up in a questionable part of town, I remained calm but my GPS had a panic attack! “Make a U-Turn, Seriously Make a U-turn! Run the light, I’m not joking Run the Damn Light! Recalculating!!!!
Yeah, I’ve been all over. I’ve driven past that barn towards Knoxville that reads SEE ROCK CITY a thousand times and never stopped to see it. I’ve been to South Dakota more than a few times and not once have I seen Mount Rushmore, I once did a corporate show 40 miles from the Grand Canyon, and didn’t have time to see it! Always on the GO! A flight to catch, a 17 hr drive or a school play that I promised not to miss…. again.
The hardest thing about traveling is trying to find something to do with your time and staying awake. Once I took a nap in Nebraska and woke up in Iowa, thank god for the concrete ridges in the emergency lane, they’re designed to wake you up…
Ok, I know I’m taking a long time to get to the funny here but this idea came when I was driving across America. We’ve all been behind trucks that have that How’s My Driving sticker a zillion times right?
I’m behind some moving company truck and I jot down the number on the back. I often wonder if people only call when the driver is not driving so well?
What if he was driving like extremely great? Does that merit a call? Hell yeah it does! That company should know that their driver has Mad Driving Skills, that he just switched lanes and… used his turn signal! Damn this guy is good, he should be given lessons! So I started taking down numbers off the back of trucks..
This video is an actual call I made to one of those numbers
From time to time I’ll give money to that homeless guy standing at the end of the off ramp during rush hour, especially when the light
is red and I’m stuck RIGHT NEXT to him and his little dog. You can only pretend not to see him for so long before you start feeling like a real tool. It’s 103 degrees in the blistering sun and 50 degrees in the studio apartment on wheels I’m driving… better known as the Honda Odyssey.
Sure, there’s a part of me that thinks he’s a crack head and he just wants money for drugs, but a druggy wouldn’t have a dog, unless the dog was a crack head too!? I roll the window down and give him a five dollar bill, he’s very grateful, not just for the money but for the cold air pouring out of my minivan. After hearing the guy speak I’m convinced he’s not a drug addict, probably just some dude down on his luck.
But as I’m sitting there waiting on the light to turn green random thoughts fly in and out of my head…….The guy probably makes more money than me….. Wonder if he’d sell me his dog…. The president is giving a speech in town tonight, the homeless guy is probably Secret Service. That’s it! He’s some kind of Undercover Agent! How cool would that be if he was an Undercover Agent!? That’s probable, right? Then the next question…. how much fun can I have with this!?
As the thought and prank comes to me I start cracking up laughing, I’m laughing so hard I’m crying, I’m looking at the homeless guy like this is great! But the homeless guy has no idea what I’m thinking and by the look on his face he thinks I’m laughing at him! So I roll the window back down and try to explain what I was laughing at… I was thinking how neat it would be if you weren’t homeless but instead you were an undercover secret service agent!
Then the light turns green and a line of 10 cars behind me start blowing their horns and I peel out of there.
Two days later I see two homeless guys sitting on a sidewalk in front of a burger joint. I locate their number and give them a ring..
CLICK HERE FOR VIDEOFive minutes later some burger joint boy comes walking out the door with a bag of food and two coffees, he lays them next to the homeless guys and proceeds to walk away with a body language that reads “I’m participating in some undercover sting opeation. nothing going on here, just a dude giving some food to some homeless guys.” PRICELESS!
They’re editing the “N” word out of Tom Sawyer, now if we could just get Snoop Dog, Chris Rock and 50 cent to do the same – Tom Mabe
This is a quick video I did on the subject matter
It’s official. I leave for Atlanta tomorrow, doing radio on the regular guys Thursday morning then doing a show Thursday night. This is a good gig, it’s a corporate show and me being a corporate comedian well, that works out great!
Here’s my issue, the money I’m making is all going to cover a vet bill for a 16 yr old cat! I love animals but wow! “Daddy, we have to do everything we can!” May a cat rest in peace.. we miss and love you
Don’t know your schedule today so didn’t want to call and wake you up or catch you on the road. Thank you for doing a great job last night. Our people thoroughly enjoyed your comedy. We understand how difficult it must be to perform for such a small audience, but you overcame that obstacle – even considering the visit from the “water server” and waitress. I watched the reaction of the group and have heard over and over that a good time was had by all. I am confident that our other two groups will enjoy your humor. Your calling our honorees by name, adding personal comments, and taking the time to prepare the CD and personalize it, made it that much better. Thank you for sharing your gift with us. I have no hesitation in recommending you to others for future events.
I watched the reaction of the group and have heard over and over that a good time was had by all. I am confident that our other two groups will enjoy your humor. Your calling our honorees by name, adding personal comments, and taking the time to prepare the CD and personalize it, made it that much better. Thank you for sharing your gift with us. I have no hesitation in recommending you to others for future events.